Fun in the Sohma House
by Hokaru-chan
Summary: When two girls come to the Sohma house, what kind of mood will everyone be in? Hell, who are we kidding? Excessive glomping, nosebleeds, and Ragnarok online attacks are all part of the fun in this hilarious Fruits Basket comedy!
1. Chapter 1: Introduction

Mkay my first awesome parody with original characters. I like Yuki and Tohru, those are just alternate ways of saying their names (Since it's...well, a parody?) Based off of me and my best friend, Rachel. there are 7 chapters atm, I'll have to type up the rest shortly. Remember, Rated Teen for language! (and...nudity I guess?) Don't worry, All I do is say "Naked". It's just the Sohma characters acting awfully different! Either way, I hope you find it funny!

Part 1: Introduction

"Hello!?" Ray-Ray called, banging on the paper door.

"I Think they're not here, Ray-Ray-chan..." Sam mumbled.

Ray-Ray smiled. "Sam-chan, you saint! Of course they're here! The Almighty Creator told us to come here!!"

The wind blew over a silent moment.

Ray-Ray suddenly turned around in a rampage. "Dammit, Shigure! Open the frikin door! We know you're there!!!"

It finally opened. Shigure was there, standing sleepily. "Oh, two high school girls...I mean, yeah, we've been expecting you! Please come in."

Sam nodded sheepishly but Ray-Ray pushed past Shigure and plopped down at the table, beckoning Sam to sit next to her. Before Sam sat, however, she bowed to Shigure.

"Shigure-san...thank you very much."

"Don't bow to that pervert!" Ray-Ray cried and Sam had a minor nosebleed.

"ACK! Sorry, Sam-chan! Forgot about that word..." She ran over and hugged Sam, then dragged her to the table.

"Okay, girls. Tohru and the others should be here-"

"NO!" Ray-Ray screamed. "I want my Kyo!! Sam-chan--"

She stopped when she saw that Sam was laying under the Kotetsu (Thick blanket around the table), fast asleep.

"Ah well. She'll probably wake up when she hears Kyo screaming."

Shigure was shocked O.O "W-what exactly are you planning on doing to Kyo?"

Ray-Ray grinned devilishly. "It's a secret."

Three People burst into the room.

"Towhoreu, Puki(That's pronounced PEW-ki!), and...KYO!!"

Ray-Ray leapt out of her seat and glomped Kyo. He poofed into a cat.

"Wh, wh, what the HELL!?" he screamed.

"Kyo!" Ray-ray said happily, patting his head. He then poofed back, completely naked.

"YEAH!" Ray-ray called with enjoyment.

Meanwhile...Shigure had Sam's eyes covered.

"This is too much..."

Blood was nearly pouring from her nose now.

INNER TOHRU: Like OMG Why is that heffer (I KNOW it's spelled wrong xD) touching MY Kyo!?

Tohru smiled. "Now, Ray-Ray-san, please..."

"No!" she replied bluntly, glomping Kyo again.

Sam gave bubbly eyes. "Ray-Ray-chan...please....I think that Kyo-kun does not like your excessive glomping..."

Ray-Ray nearly cried. "Okay! Since you asked...but only for awhile! 3"

Kyo poofed back. "Now I can breathe again!"

Yuki was nearly screaming with angst..."This cannot be..." He looked at Ray-Ray. "Someone worse than Kagura!?"

"Believe it!" She replied.

"Eh!?!" Tohru said. "I guess I'll make dinner, then!"

Kyo sighed. "Good."

"Nice to meet you, Kyo-san, Yuki-san..." Sam trailed off.

Ray-Ray sat beside her. "Hey guys, you touch her, I kill you. Got it!?"

Yuki and Kyo gave her a weird look.

"And starting tomorrow, we're all going to your school!" She added.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Kyo and Yuki wailed in unison.

Preview!~ School...Lunch...bathrooms!? The Almighty Creator!? Why do they have to go to OUR school!? Eh!? Who IS that Yankee girl!?

Hope you enjoyed!! 


	2. Chapter 2: Fending off the Hounds

Chapter 2 of my ultra-short, ultra-cute parody! :D I was originally only going to do 10 chapters, but if the people that take the time to read my cheesy stuff want me to keep going, then I won't mind! :) I slack off on homework so I have plenty of time! Eheheh...Okay! Rated Teen for language! :P And this one has...*scans over it* It also has the word "fatty" in it. Consider yourselves warned! Anyways, please enjoy the story. Also! Imagine Ray-Ray and Sam however you like! That's part of the fun!  
I also recommend that you know the majority of the characters, or you will be very confused! xD I ALSO REALIZE that OCD is real and serious and stuff u.u It's used in the comical way! So please enjoy...and if you're still reading this introduction, then you get a cookie :D *hands cookie*

~Part 2~ Fending off the Hounds

It was the first day of school for our heroes. After a long and boring registration, they headed off to class.

"KYO!!?" Ray-Ray announced when she burst in the classroom, scanning every inch of it with her eyes.

"NO KYO!?" Ray-Ray shrieked in terror. She glared at the teacher. "Just what kind of class ARE you running here!?"

Sam gasped. "Ray-Ray-chan..this is our class...please sit down!"

"Oh, all right," she gave in.

Sam bowed deeply to the teacher. "I'm sorry Teacher-san. she is OCD with Kyo-San...please forgive her."

The teacher was ready to quit her job that day.

It was lunch. Ray-Ray and sam sat down a table, Ray-Ray scanning the room for was ready to walk over, but thought about it first. It's a shame to have to sit by that girl...

"THAT GIRL!?"Ray-Ray screamed, as if she could hear Yuki's thoughts from across the room. Sam tugged on her shirt sleeve.

"Please allow Yuki-san to sit with us today...I beg you..." *sparkley eyes*

"Uh...okay!"

Yuki RELUCTANTLY sat down. "Please help me..." he begged.

Suddenly, Hatsuharu popped out of nowhere.

"Yo." he said simply

"Hello, good citizen," Sam replied.

"Hi Haru!"

He gasped. "How do you know my nickname!?"

"The almighty Creator can tell you that..." Sam replied, looking at me.

Uh...no comment.

"Anyhow..." Ray-Ray interviened. "Hi Haru! Good to see you! Now where's Momiji!?!?!"

"Rawr!" he replied simply. "Your guess is as good as mine."

"Oh! Hi Towhoreu! Hi Yuotani! Hi Kanajima!"Ray-Ray burst excitedly. Uotani and Hanajima were shocked.

"Die, crazy chick!"

"Die, Yankee girl!"

Ray-Ray and Uotani broke out into a melee. O.o

"I sense extremely condescending fangirlish Narutard hungry fatty waves coming from her," Hanajima informed the table about Ray-Ray, who was bawling and screaming in her melee madness at the moment!

"And from you..." she looked at Sam. "I only sense blood."

"Indeed," Sam smiled.

"I fear for this table's life..." Yuki said to himself.

"You poor, poor thing," Haru comforted.

"Eh!?" Tohru said as usual because she was completely spacing out at the most crucial part of the story.

"NEEEEEE!!" Ray-Ray screamed.

"Yo momma!" Uotani screamed.

"Horsebah!" Sam added timidly.

"Must...huggle!" Hanajima said like a mindless zombie, giving Sam a hug.

"I'll give her one too," Yuki said, also hugging her. (O.O WTF!?)

"That sounds good..." Haru added, doing the same. (O.O;)

Kyo looked over to where they were sitting and decided that he'd be in the bathroom for a LONG time.

:D NEXT TIME!! How will Kyo survive when Kagura comes back from Hell...to VISIT!?

I hope you enjoyed it!!


	3. Chapter 3: Fire with Fire

Part 3! I'm pretty sure you know what to expect...more randomness and complete craziness...but hey, then it wouldn't be a parody, would it?  
Once again, sorry for taking forever to update! But now...a storm comes!  
Rated T cause I don't think youngins can handle it, and mild cursing of course. But it's all good.  
I hope you enjoy!!

Part 3: Fire with Fire

That evening, Shigure HAPPILY announced that Kagura would be visitng.

"HELL NO!" Kyo hissed. "Like I need another freakin' fangirl!!"

Sam's eyes bulged. "Kyo-san...Kagura-San LOVES you deeply...you must allow her to your house..," blood pouring from her nose-river.

"What the hell is with this chick!?" Kyo screamed, spazzing out.

"Well, I guess I should prepare food, then!" Tohru announced, attempting to escape the situation.

"Pudding..." Sam said.

"Eh!?"

"Please...give...me...pudding!!" Sam repeated.

"You heard the girl!" Ray-Ray added.

"Such craziness..." Shigure muttered after Kyo hid in his room and Yuki gave him a cookie.

"Quiet, pervert!" Ray-Ray screamed loudly, despite Shigure's whispery remark.

"I'm dying!" Sam announced.

Kagura burst through the wall. "Hi guys!"

"Hey," everyone said in unison.

"You've got to be kidding me..." Kyo muttered.

"WHAT WAS THAT!?" Kagura bellowed. "I missed you SO much!" Smirking, she finished up with "TASTE MY DEADLY LOVE!!!!"

She beat Kyo to a bloody, mangled pulp.

"Yes!" Ray-Ray suddenly cried. "Kagura-chan, let us love and smother Kyo TOGETHER!"

"Yes! Let's!!" Kagura replied. "GLOMPAGE ATTACK OF COMPLETE AWKWARDNESS!!"

"save me!" Kyo managaed to cry. After that, there were only muffled screams.

"LoL," Shigure said literally.

Yuki slapped his face. "No internet chat allowed in this household, mister."

"So sorry," Shigure replied, almost in tears.

"Uh, guys!? Kyo died!!" Kagure declared.

"Time to call Hatori, then..." Shigure mumbled, walking slow-mo to the phone.

INNER TOHRU: I know! A plan of complete and utter domination of this crazy-ass place...I'll flirt with Hatori, causing a chain reaction in Kyo's hormones that allows him to become jealous, EVEN THOUGH Hatori is about as twice as old as I am! It'll work!

Soon, without any in-between filler, Hatori arrived.

"Yay!" Ray-Ray and Tohru cried together. They both ran over to smother Hatori.

"Oh my. Kyo SEEMS to have died!" Hatori gasped like captain obvious, yet still making it somehow dramatic. "We MUST revive him!"

After examining Kyo for awhile, he finally said: "He SEEMS to have blood loss. It SEEMS that we need to give him blood!"

"Pervert!" Ray-Ray screamed and Sam poured out a bucketful. Ray-Ray then dumped the bucket of blood on Kyo's face.

"OMG THIS ISNT MINE DONOTWANTDONOTWANTDONOTWANT--*splode*"

"You saved a life, Sam. Be happy," Hatori thanked."But...how did you know my name?"

"The Almighty creator knows all."

"I seeeeeeeEEeEEeeEEeEEe"

"So, Hatori! Let me borrow that top--I mean, want to have dinner with us?" Tohru asked awkwardly.

"BELIEVE IT-- oh, yes."

Tohru Speed Racer'd back to the kitchen.

INNER TOHRU: Time to put some "special" sauce in Hatori's BBQ...

She grinned like a weasel. Like seriously. Imagine a weasel, grinning widely, or like, maybe a highheeyna. Or something. Imagine it.

PREVIEW: Momiji's Birthday party!

But..this isn't gonna be normal, is it...?


	4. Chapter 4: Momiji's Birthday Party

Hey guys!  
I'm being generous and uploading 2 parts without requesting reviews! But I NEED them! So part 5 doesn't come out till I get 5 MORE reviews!  
:) I'd totally appreciate it!  
Rated T for language and mild mind-blowing randomness! But it's all in good fun, and I do ask you to enjoy!  
It's Momiji's birthday party! But...

Part 4: Momiji's Birthday Party

There was a knock on the sohma door. Before Shigure's nerves even reacted, Ray-Ray slammed the door open.

"What the hell!?--oh, hi Kisa-chan!! ^_^"

"Momiji...birthday....party...." Kisa gasped, terrified to death.

Hiro walked out from behind Kisa.

"Kyo was right, you ARE crazy. Let's go, Kisa..."

Kisa shook her head. "I want neechan! NEECHAN!!"

Ray-ray flinched. "fine, fine, come in brat--I mean, Hiro. You too, Kisa-chan!" She finished, glomping Kisa before heading upstairs.

Sam was walking towards the kitchen when she saw them.

She drooled as she stared.

"C-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-CUTE!!"

Hiro got a sweatdrop. "What the--"

Sam gave Kisa a nice simple hug as Tohru walked downstairs.

INNER TOHRU: WTF does she thinks she's doing with Kisa?

Kisa: Yay...new neechan...*gives an evil look to Tohru*

Tohru flinched and went into the kitchen, drank a glass of milk, and ran her skinny lactose intolerant butt up to the bathroom.

Kisa looked up at Sam, who was now hugging Hiro with her massive, over-sized boobs in his face, and he transformed.

Sam smiled. "Bweeheeheeheehee..."

Shigure walked in. "Hellow KisaHiro. What brings you here?"

"Momiji...it's his birthday party...we must...we must go!"

"Yay!" Sam jumped around happily.

Ray-Ray bounced down the stairs. "WO_OT! C'mon Kyo we're going to Momiji's birthday party!!"

"Not with YOU I'm not!"

Ray-Ray smirked. "Go or I'll kill you again!"

Kyo glared death at her. "For the love of God, fine then!"

"Yay!" Ray-Ray cheered.

"Yuki-san, will you be coming?" Sam asked him at the foot of the door with huge glitter eyes.

"I suppose," he answered quickly.

The group sucked up Hiro and Kisa like a magnet and headed to the party location.

Later...

"what the--why Chuckie Cheese, of all places!?" Kyo screamed seconds before the building even came into view. Now how is that possible?

"All right!" Ray-Ray yelled. "Pizza time!"

"Pizza time!" Sam repeated.

"Pizza time!" Kisa followed.

Those three marched into the building and our 3 men were speechless.

"I will never understand women," Hiro commented.

"However, we should enter," Yuki cleared his throat, and the three hesitantly pushed on.

When they walked in, it was a disaster. Pizza and cheese was all over the floor. Kids were running wild. And at the center of it all, covered in slop, wereour four youngins, just take a wild guess as to who they were.

Someone tapped Kyo on the shoulder and he nearly had a heart attack before turning around to find Chuckie Cheese himself standing there.

"Kyo!" it hissed.

Kyo screamed. "OMG. ALMIGHTY CREATOR. HALP."

Psh no way, this is too funny.

"Who the hell are you!?" he cried.

The over-sized costume pulled off the head to reveal...Akito.

"Akito-bastard!?" Kyo gasped. Before Akito could respond, Ray-ray punched him into the milky way.

"No one touches MY Kyo!"

Meanwhile, the only one who missed out was Tohru, who was STILL sitting on the toilet.

NEXT TIME!  
What happens when Ritsu comes over to visit? Will the EArth survive! Find out next time! 


End file.
